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Joke of the Day

"If you put your ear really close to someone's knee you can actually hear... ...them say: ""What the fuck are you doing?!"""

"What do smoking a cigarette and eating pussy have in common? The closer you get to the butt, the stronger the taste."

"Me: Hey, look, I can't stay long, I've got a cab downstairs. Her: You took a cab? Me: I'm gonna give it back!"

"never trust a persom who speaks in absolutes"

"We both want it. My lips part. His do, too. The tension pulsates. ""I'll take the one w/ sprinkles!"" And that's how I got the last one."

"Worst thing about having sex with a Canadian girl is having to sit through BOTH of our national anthems before we start."

"Are you going to the BBQ? The one where I out my meat on your grill!"

"OMG... JUST OPENED A CUPBOARD AND ALL MY POSTAGE STAMPS ARE PREGNA- Oh wait, it's Ravioli."

"Where do generals keep their armies? in their sleevies"

"Hitler killed... six million Jews..."