197949

Joke of the Day

"Oh, you're a ceiling fan? Name three ceilings."

"How many Irishmen does it take to screw in a light bulb? 5. 1 to screw in the light bulb, and 4 to remark on how grand the old one was."

"Dear Short guy at the gym who's really fucking jacked. I don't think your goal should be to grow wider, little buddy..."

"I'm great in bed; I can sleep for days."

"My wife gave me the silent treatment for a week... It ended when I told her ""We've been getting along really well lately""."

"What's the difference between Paris Hilton and a farmer? A farmer shucks between fits."

"Ex-Girlfriend: I heard you & your new girlfriend are having problems... Well, you've always got my number. Me: Yes, is it still 666?"

"If there's a sock on my doorknob... It means I'm having sex with the other one."

"Do those ""selfie sticks"" retract, or do you just have to walk around like a doofus with a stick all day?"

"Tower: What's your heigth and position? Pilot: Well I'm 6 foot tall and I'm sitting front left."