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Joke of the Day

"I have an Asian cat. Her name is Mi Yao."

"ME: *trying to fit in* I ALSO don't fly. PENGUINS: *shuffling about while trying to keep their distance* ZOOKEEPER: Sir, get out of the pen."

"Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener."

"What do call a bunch of white people on a bench? The NBA"

"Why can't the T-rex do any push ups? Small arms? No it's because dinosaurs are extinct you dumbass."

"What's the difference between a garbanzo and a chickpea? I've never paid 50 bucks to have a garbanzo on my face."

"Whoever said money doesn't grow on trees obviously never sold marijuana."

"Where does the general keep his armies? In his sleevies! ^tee ^hee"

"My 5 year old has a filthy mouth. His favorite book is Winnie the Shit."

"*makes sandwich* *sits down to eat it* *sees dog staring at me* *rips off small piece* *gives her the rest*"