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Joke of the Day
"Why did the can crusher quit his job? It was soda pressing..."
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"Why does the Fonz dress up as an insect when going on a journey? Because he wants to get from ayy to bee."
"""SIP! SIP! SIP! SIP! SIP! SIP! SIP"" - frat party chant at the Sigma Delta Pinot house"
"What do you call a psychiatric patient who is afraid of doors? Unhinged"
"Me: ""Dude, I brought another dress for you to clean."" Dry cleaner: *takes off headphone* ""Sorry, come again?"" Me: ""No, mustard."""
"""She loves me not..."" : Picks last petal : ""She LOVES ME!"" Flower: ""...NOT! LOL nerd"" : Whips out hidden petal shaped like middle finger :"
"I like my women like I like my steak pink in the middle but not bleeding."
"Twitter has no plot, millions of characters, & it never ends. Basically, it's a ""Hobbit"" movie."
"I had a huge home party last night and I was unpleasantly woken up by a surprise blow job. Next time I'll sleep with my mouth closed."
"It's going to be so good when I finally make a tweet that lampoons society so much that everyone just changes their ways and smartens up."