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Joke of the Day

"My life is like a movie where two soulmates meet in line at the grocery store, except I'm the woman behind them buying tampons and cat food."

"When I'm old, I'm gonna giggle uncontrollably, squirm, and go all sack of potatoes on my son when he tries to get me in the car as payback."

"A JokeExplainBot walks into a bar... The bartender says ""Hey! We don't serve robots in here."" The JokeExplainBot replies menacingly, ""Oh, you will... Someday, you will."""

"No matter close I get to her when I do them, I cannot seem to startle my dog with my farts."

"I just saved thousands on child support by never getting laid."

"Sharks could be very gentle lovers. We don't know."

"I hate it when TV shows say they contain ""adult situations"" but then don't show anyone going to a job they hate, paying their bills or cleaning up their kid's vomit."

"If I were a superhero, I'd be Pizza Man. My one-liners would be cheesy, and I'd save you in 30 min or less, or your next criminal is free."

"If you're heartbroken, remember: There are plenty of fish in the sea. But I'd advise giving mankind another chance first."

"Someone told me it was as easy as pie It never ended"