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Joke of the Day
"What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing, you already told her twice."
Next Joke
"What do John Mellencamp and Ashton Kutcher have in common? They both picked up a Cougar and then thought better of it."
"What's the difference between a prostitute and oreo? April Fools ya dumbitches!! There's no difference at all."
"What do you call an Italian guy whos afraid of cheese? Alfredo"
"What do you call a crazy train A loco-motive"
"Pro Tip: don't buy cheap duct tape. Your basement guests can chew right through that."
"My marriage is a mess and I'm in real financial trouble. But the McRib will return one day, and that's what keeps me going."
"But you didn't pick up Two Types of People: ---- 1. I called you but you didn't pickup ---- 2. I called you from my iPhone 6 Plus 64 GB and you didn't pickup."
"ME: What's your favorite movie? DATE: Girl Interupt- ME: *drops fork* What is it? DATE: Girl Interu- ME: *burps* Sorry. Go on. DATE: Fargo"
"Just been fined 500 for having a joint in my greenhouse. I guess people in glass houses shouldn't get stoned."