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Joke of the Day
"Why is peter pan always flying? He never lands."
Next Joke
"An Optimist sees the glass as half-full. A PEZimist fills it with candy."
"""A Bunch of Stuff I Remembered and Then Compiled into a Narratively Cohesive Yet Inconsistently Compelling Tome: A Memoir"""
"If you get a bigger bed You have both more and less bedroom"
"What's the difference between a whore and a prostitute? One of them is a paid professional and the other one's your mom."
"Dudes in skinny jeans...there's no need for sex if you're already in her pants..."
"He said he liked surprises, but when I showed up late at night dressed as a clown and knocked on his window, it's all screaming and shit."
"I felt a twinge of sadness when I released my daughter would be leaving for college in a year. I have to wait a whole fucking year"
"The police just knocked on my door They claimed my dog was chasing someone on a bike. I told them they must be mistaken. My dog doesn't even own a bike."
"Tragic News: Plane carrying Donald Trump underwent massive turbulence, lost engine power, stalled, but landed safely."