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Joke of the Day

"Just downloaded the MySpace app and my iPad transformed into a Commodore 64."

"Anyone who says spiders are more afraid of you than you are of them... has never woken up with one on their face."

"For valentine's day, I got a new car for my wife I thought that was an awesome trade"

"How many retards does it take to change a light bulb? Well, line up so that I can find out.."

"[hails Satan] [Satan pulls up in his cab]"

"Why do you never see a crackhead over 30? Cause they're fucking dead"

"Did you know, the cave where Jesus was resurrected... contained a large quantity of hydrating body lotion? He was moist-jew-rising."

"They say ""confidence"" is the most attractive quality in a partner. But I'd have to say ""not banging my friends"" would be a very close 2nd"

"What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you."

"My sister bet me a hundred dollars I couldn't build a car out of spaghetti: You should've seen the look on her face as i drove pasta!"