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Joke of the Day

"My wife told me to give her 9 inches and make it hurt. I stuck it in her 3 times and punched her arm."

"Picking up a Sea World Protestor Should we go back to my place, free willy and see how long Tilikum? Guaranteed Soak-Zone."

"women sure love never chilling the fuck out"

"What is the favorite saying of a police officer in the Simpsons? If it's yellow let it mellow, if it's brown shoot it down."

"what if it doesnt want to be called hot sauce???? what if it wants to be called beautiful sauce"

"I like my mashed potatoes like I like my babies smothered - thought of this while making dinner and discussing having children with my fiance... I don't think I'm ready for kids"

"[A field] *An elderly Louie Pasteur and I sit among the clover, I hold a shotgun* Me: It's time to put you out to pasture. *Cocks shotgun*"

"What's the word that starts with an ""N"" that no one wants to call a black person? Neighbor."

"How do you make a 6 year old cry twice? Wipe your bloody dick off with her teddy bear."

"If you want to work for a company that makes moisturiser, the best thing to do is to apply daily."