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Joke of the Day

"I'm so proud of my self, I decided I'm going to stop procrastinating and do something with my life! Starting tomorrow..."

"What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A nervous wreck."

"The parking spot on Richard III's grave was restricted... Only two-door cars were allowed."

"Those who have some means think that the most important thing in the world is love; the poor know that it is money."

"My house is clean so please don't eat or drink or come by or let my child come home."

"Hardcore I've just changed my first nappy. My wife doesn't like me wearing them but since I bought Call of Duty it means I get more game time."

"A white American told me I shouldn't call myself ""British"" because brown people aren't native to Britain. A white American White. American."

"[VIDEO] John Oliver Agrees With You For 22 Minutes"

"My friend said that China might be considering assisted suicide for teenagers He's probably wrong, but if he's right, that would mark the beginning of euthanasia of youth in Asia."

"""Aww. You guys... And it's not even my real birthday! #flattered ."" -Jesus"