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Joke of the Day

"My dance partner dumped me for my best friend. Why? Was he a better dancer? Don't know I never met him."

"Why does Gandalf never dress as a pimp for halloween? Because he doesn't want to be taken as a conjurer of cheap tricks."

"I wish there was an emotional song about that moment you realize you're almost done with your burrito. Get on that, Taylor Swift."

"There are tons of girls in my software engineering class... ...just not very many of them."

"DEAR ENTIRE WORLD: LIGHTENING IS WHAT BLEACH DOES TO HAIR. LIGHTNING IS WHAT I'M GOING TO STRIKE YOU WITH FOR YOUR CRIMES AGAINST SPELLING."

"#rubbishjokes What do you call the soft tissue between a shark's teeth? The slowest swimmer."

"What do you call it when Daniel Craig has kinky sex? Bondage!"

"A man walks into a fancy dress party carrying a woman on his back... The host asks the man why this is so. ""Oh, I'm a tortoise and this is Michelle"" says the man."

"My sister told the police that I mistreat my pets. My own little sister! I guess that's the thanks I get for giving her a goldfish necklace."

"What's the difference between a bad coffee in Switzerland and a bad coffee in Italy? When you drink a bad coffee in Switzerland you say, ""Merci!""."