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Joke of the Day

"I thought of you last night while I was doing the dishes. Dirty right? Yep. That's right. Dishes were totally filthy."

"Why cant a nose be 12 inches long? Cause then it would be a foot."

"(30 year old white guy voice) what we need is change in the political system which is why im voting for my neighbors dog that bites children"

"My girlfriend and I are celebrating our anniversary tonight by breaking up six years ago."

"Two parrots are sitting on a perch. The first one says to the other ""can you smell fish?""."

"What was the deaf mans favorite song? The Sound of Silence."

"Does saying ""No Nigerian scammers"" in your ad really deter Nigerian scammers from scamming you Nigeriously?"

"Nothing makes a friendship more awkward than saying ""Cute doggie"" and realizing it's their kid"

"why are sex ed and drivers ed never on the same day in Iraq ? the camel would get overworked"

"[backstage at a concert] hey guys you mind signing this? [next day at car dealership] rascal flatts is your cosigner?"