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Joke of the Day

"Why is Hillary better than a prostitute? Hillary will be whatever you want her to be for a whole campaign, a prostitute only lasts 30 minutes."

"That tornado damage your cow barn any? Dunno. Haven't found the durn thing yet!"

"I found an ant in the men's restroom. Why an Aunt? I can understand why an Uncle would be in there."

"Waking up in the middle of the night to a 4.0 earthquake is kinda awesome until you realize it was not an earthquake & what's that smell?"

"I'm still not convinced that ""the club"" is a real place. Rap songs might as well be about hanging out in Westeros."

"Two Hydrogens walk into a bar and spot an Oxygen Feeling adventurous, they approach her and ask ""Hey baby, can we interest you in a waterway?"""

"I made a chicken salad today. Cheeky bastard didn't even eat it."

"Man: How did you compromise with your wife? Husband: She came to me on her feet. Man: and what she said? Husband: i was down to bad and she said come out, i will not say you anything..."

"What's brown and sticky? The contents of my pants."

"A Mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, ""uno, dos..."" *Poof* ... He disappears without a tres."