193389

Joke of the Day

"We're choosing the paleontology exhibit over church because Jesus died for our sins but dinosaurs died for our Hummer."

"What do vegetables that go to college do on the weekends? They Turnip"

"What do you call a policewoman who shaves her pubic area? Cuntstubble!"

"How to tell an Irishman from a Scotsman on St. Patrick's day? One wants to stay drunk all the time and the other doesn't want to pay the tab."

"*Frankenstein arrives with his monster at a bodybuilding contest* ""Oh, you meant... you meant it like... ugh. Well that was a waste of time"""

"When I retire I plan to study oceanography. (I'll eat like a shark, drink like a fish and lay on the beach like a whale)"

"If I ever met a Space Alien, I'd resist shaking its extended appendage, not knowing for sure the details of alien anatomy."

"Two guys walk into a bar.... ...the third ducked."

"Give a man a fish, he eats for a day. Don't teach a man to fish, he's grown ass man and fishing isn't that hard."

"A girl says to a salesman, ""I'm not sure if I should buy a sweatshirt or a windbreaker."" He says, ""Well, that depends. Are you gonna sweat, or are you gonna break wind?"""