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Joke of the Day

"what did the prostitutes knee say to the other one? nothing, they have never met!"

"There was a time when I was thin. Sure I was six years old, but I'm confident I can get back in those clothes."

"Talk Like A Pirate Day Here's my impersonation of a pirate: *ahem* Look at me. Look at me. I'm the captain now."

"""...so when the plane crashed, we had to do the unthinkable to survive."" ""Eat human corpses?"" [flashback to eating quinoa] ""Y...yes."""

"Parole officer: Come in and take a seat [me, finishing a jail term for stealing chairs] *starts sweating*"

"What does Bill Clinton say to Hillary Clinton after sex? I'll be home in 20 minutes."

"The only thing I want written on my tombstone is ""I'm standing right behind you."""

"No James, that isn't a giant peach... ...that is Nicki Minaj walking away from us."

"Have you read GANDOLF'S new book about GENDER identity? It's great! It's called ""YOU SHALL NOT PASS"""

"How do people usually feel after touching an electric fence? Shocked."