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Joke of the Day

"I'm telling you to go to hell because I'm poor. If I was rich I would kill you."

"What happened to the plant outside the math class window? It grew square roots."

"My girlfriend asked me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down."

"Dad: ok we need to find the number to that store, get the phone book Me: Get the what now?"

"What's black and white and red all over? A bioracial double homocide."

"Bears think if you're lying down motionless, you're dead. So everyday, the first bear to wake up thinks its entire family is dead. Tragic.."

"The guy will stand up to get knocked down But the girl will lie down to get knocked up"

"I bought some shoes from a drug dealer today... I'm not sure what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day."

"Where did Mary go after the explosion? Everywhere."

"Dr: I'm giving u a proton-pump inhibitor Me: LIKE A GHOSTBUSTER? D: No for acid reflu *sees tears welling in my eyes* yes for busting ghosts"