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Joke of the Day

"""Please don't put a million dumb photos of me on your Facebook... it just annoys your friends"" Every baby"

"Some people are so poor, all they have is money."

"Say ""Literally"" and ""Legit"" a few more times in that sentence so I know it's literally legit"

"The control for the air conditioner was so far away It was not even remotely close"

"As a child I wanted to be a personal trainer but I ended up as a politician. At least I still convince absolute idiots that change is being made."

"I like my women like I like my bamboo: graceful, strong, and constantly in threat of being eaten by pandas."

"Pavlov is sitting in a bar when a phone rings. He jumps of his chair and yells - ""Damn, I forgot to feed the dogs"""

"My boobs are so big you can't even motorboat me. You have to row boat me. With oars."

"Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear. Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair. Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn't fuzzy, was he?"

"[first date] Boy: so where are you from? Me: [points to all you can eat sign] I live here now."