191811

Joke of the Day

"Why did the T-Rex go extinct? He had a reptile dysfunction."

"Q: Why isn't Barney the Dinosaur allowed to drive? A: Because everybody knows -- tyrannosaurus wrecks."

"Why did the hipster burn the roof of his mouth? He ate his pizza before it was cool. (Written anonymously in the bathroom at work, a pizza joint.)"

"If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the entire country of Australia for 44 minutes."

"My kid has slept over at Jared Fogle's house plenty of times and there's never been a problem. And as long as Jared keeps my Subway card full of points he will continue not having any problems."

"March Into Battle by Sally Forth"

"Before you criticize someone... walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you'll be a mile away and have their shoes."

"My boyfriend just texted me, ""We need to talk."" I think he's going to propose!"

"How many Redditors does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to keep browsing Reddit and another to get someone else to do it."

"What would you rather have Parkinson's or Alzheimer's? At least with Parkinson's you have half a pint."