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Joke of the Day

"Sorry I can't come to your thing tonight, I'm too busy figuring out an excuse about why I can't come to your thing next week"

"*continues telling story that you've clearly indicated you've heard before*"

"What's the capital of Wisconsin? W"

"What's the difference between a feminist and a gun? A gun only has one trigger."

"While never officially canonized by a Pope, Saint Patrick is widely recognized as the patron saint of Slytherin."

"Center for Disease Control: overconsumption of beta-carotene linked to dangerous rise in pH of blood In other words, pumpkin spice lattes make you basic."

"My wife and I couldn't decide on which psychic to go and see... But we were able to come to a happy medium"

"Why did Mario lose a life? He stubbed his MiyamoToe. ...I'll see my way out."

"Garcinia Cambogia."

"i dont swirl my wine because im sophisticated i do it because i can barely stand"