191522

Joke of the Day

"I had such a crap day. First my ex got run over by a bus. Then I got fired from my job as a bus driver. Ugh."

"There were two peanuts walking down a dark alley... one was assaulted."

"Why are 490 Romans funny? Because XD"

"A man walks into a bar and see three bitches. Because he's a misogynist."

"Q: Why did the engineer put a clock under his desk? A: He wanted to work overtime."

"My sex life is like 9/11 No one wanted it."

"[first date] Me: so u just wanna poke ur straw thru that little hole Her: I know how juice boxes work Mom: well isn't she a feisty one?"

"I have my hesitations about Paradise City if the first thing you brag about is the color of the grass."

"""One man's trash is another man's treasure"" is a great quote... ... but it is not the best way to tell your kid that he's adopted."

"How are all these African-American's able to take off time from work to riot in Baltimore? Wait... nevermind"