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Joke of the Day

"This guy texting in metro besides me keeps covering his phone, like I care about his dinner plans in CP with his girlfrnd ""Shona baby"""

"Why does Donald Trump dislike trees? Because they're brown and don't speak English."

"Does anyone know how to get make-up off a dog? Asking for a friend, she's a bitch."

"Q: What is Irish and stays on your patio, even when it rains? A: Patty O'Furniture."

"Your momma so dumb she tried to climb Mountain Dew"

"Did you hear about the 80 year old man who ran naked through the flower show? ...he won first place for a dried arrangement!"

"I told you ill be there in 5 minutes. Stop calling me every half an hour."

"""I'm so glad that pasting that text included the format of the original document!"" -- No one. Ever."

"Litter of puppies = cute. Liter of puppies = gross."

"I wouldn't do well in war because the bravest thing I've ever done was post an Instagram photo with no filter."