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Joke of the Day

"Some people should put professional victim on their resume"

"I asked my trainer ""Which machine at the gym should I use to impress beautiful women?"" He pointed outside and said ""The ATM machine"""

"Let's both be naughty this year and save Santa the trip."

"How did Darth Vader know what Obi-Wan Kenobi was getting for Christmas? He felt his presents."

"""I don't care how much you hate this person, I REALLY suggest you two be friends."" -Facebook"

"In which fairy tale does a man kick another man in the balls, only to discover that his victim is actually a woman? Boot in Puss"

"Sorry I didn't text you back, but my body is like 70% water and I really didn't want to mess up my phone."

"You can dress for success or undress for it. It depends on what type of work you want."

"Just saw a woman, covered in red paint, running and screaming from an abandoned country house, LOL good prank."

"Waiter waiter! There's a dead fly in my soup. Oh no! Who's going to look after his family?"