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Joke of the Day

"Give a man a plane ticket and he'll fly for a day. Push a man from a plane and he'll fly for the rest of his life."

"I can tell a dude is gay by what kind of music he is playing when I walk in on him banging another dude."

"I'm beginning to think I'm a terrible host. Hubs says it's rude to answer every question with ""I don't know. Get the fuck out of my house."""

"I asked the cashier for a kitkat chunky She turned around and selected a kitkat chunky from the shelf and then handed it to me. I replied: ""I wanted a regular kitkat you fat bitch."""

"How many Freudian analysts does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to change it, and the other to hold the penis. LADDER. I MEANT LADDER."

"No matter close I get to her when I do them, I cannot seem to startle my dog with my farts."

"My Executive Director said to me ""Well aren't you an eager beaver"" I was like ""Oh my God, Why? What have you heard???"""

"*knock* Who's... *knock* Who's... *knock knock* Who's there? *knock knock knock* Who... *knock knock knock knock knock* Piss off, Fibonacci!"

"I bet Elmo wonders about how they might stop funding PBS. And sometimes why."

"So I Organized a three-way last night... There was a couple of no-shows, but overall, it worked out fine."