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Joke of the Day

"It's pretty neat how owning a pool gives me an excuse to own every chemical needed to make a body completely disappear."

"Just watched 3 people jogging outside and it has inspired me to get up and close the blinds."

"""Sound the alarm!"" ""Dude, there's no way that thing will fit."""

"I can't see my Dad now he's had a sex change He's trans-parent"

"The roulette dealer had a unique personality. He had a different spin on everything."

"Walking dead spoiler alert. There are zombies and they like to try & eat people but the people are like ""nuh uh zombie, we don't want that"""

"Why couldn't the penguin turn around in the phone booth? Because he had a javelin through his head."

"Curb stomping your enemies and having the last thing they see in their pointless lives be your Skechers lighting up >>>>"

"What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse's mouth? A mechanic."

"My angry wife said: ""I hope you spend an eternity in hell !"".... I said, ""Why wait? I'll take you clothes shopping right now""."