190510

Joke of the Day

"Netflix just asked me to rate 'Spy Kids 2' and I clicked ""I haven't seen it"" but I have. I have seen it. A lot."

"""I'm sorry"" and ""I apologize"" mean the same thing. Except at a funeral."

"What do David Beckham and Ferrero Rocher chocolates have in common? They both come in a posh box"

"I got arrested for indecent exposure. They've sent me to the Small Claims Court."

"Battered women... ...sounds delicious. But that doesn't make it right!"

"A juice bar called Just Kale Yourself."

"My favorite genre of rap is bragging about all the murders you committed then complaining the cops pull you over for no reason."

"[Being murdered at Walmart] Please will you dump my dead body at Target people can't know I shopped here"

"How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irish person? None."

"her: what r u doing? me: taking a photo of a glass of tap water on snapchat & see if they have- her: oh god me:-a water filter."