190449

Joke of the Day

"When does Hillary Clinton have sex with Bill? maybe never but Bernie sanders lost big time in the primary today."

"I hate myself a little for this... What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? GLOVES! ...Nah, just kidding! *He still hasn't unwrapped his present!!!*"

"1 out of 10 dentists doesn't care what you brush with, he just wants to fondle you while you're gassed."

"I've counted 8 people so far whose New Years resolutions include ""loose weight"". Can I add spelling to your list too?"

"What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One's pretty heavy and the other is a little lighter."

"My cat is rubbing herself all over me because she wants me to stroke her. It's like she's a drunk version of me."

"What is black and white and red all over, and spins in circles? A nun who has a spear in her, going through a vevolving door."

"I thought I typed ""twitter"" in my URL, but I got Hot Russian Ladies somehow instead. So, I guess I have a wife in the mail...."

"Imagine a world without pizza. No, no, stop crying this was just pretend I'M SORRY TRY AND CONTROL YOURSELF I'M SORRY"

"What did the egg say to the pan or boiling water? ""It's gonna take me a while to get hard, I just got laid by a chicken."""