190445

Joke of the Day

"Apparently the Bin Laden plane hit a Porsche, it's 911 all over again."

"If at first you don't succeed, blame someone else and seek counseling."

"Mom, Am I adopted? Son: Mom, Am I adopted? Mom: Nuh, you think we would have chosen you?"

"Vodka and I go together like falling down the stairs and getting fucked in my sleep."

"I served 2 years in Iraq Until they shut down the restaurant"

"Did you hear about the kid who got his legs blown off? He's a whole two feet shorter."

"What's the most beautiful thing in mathematics? A cute angle"

"""Are you even listening to me?"" is a weird way for my girlfriend to start a conversation."

"I think my daughter might turn out to be the next Martin Scorsese! (Her eyebrows are fucking terrifying)"

"My wife said she wanted more variety in our sex life. Now I tell a few jokes, fuck her then sing a song."