190241

Joke of the Day

"I can't date fat women anymore... I just found out I'm lactose intolerant. Note: I just heard this from some landscapers as I walked my dog."

"They say sex burns as many calories as running 5 miles.... WHO THE HELL RUNS 5 MILES IN 30 SECONDS !!!"

"""Use divorce, Luke."" """" Obi Wan, marriage counselor"

"I was working at the butchers yesterday and a man comes in looking for a small chicken. I asked him to describe it so we can look for it together."

"Why was the scientist allowed to use dolphins for his experiments? Because they were for test porpoise only"

"is your name melissa? ""yes"" are you married? ""to you sadly"" yes or no please ""yes"" do you like the lie detector I bought for your birthday?"

"What do you call a fish with no eyes? Blind."

"Thank god attorneys let us know they're attorneys ""at law"" so we don't assume they're attorneys at garlic bread or something."

"Arguing on the internet is like running in the special olympics Even if you win, you're still retarded."

"I like my coffee how I like my women Bitter and cold."