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Joke of the Day

"I can't date fat women anymore... I just found out I'm lactose intolerant. Note: I just heard this from some landscapers as I walked my dog."

"I made fun of my friend for getting off to humiliation porn. He came."

"How do you tell an introvert and an extrovert mathematician apart? When talking to you, the extrovert mathematician looks at *your* shoes."

"What's worse than finding a dead baby in the garbage can? Finding a dead baby in the recycle bin."

"Brock Turner got a slap on the wrist because he's a professional swimmer. And that's the furthest thing from being black one can be!"

"I discriminate against people who lose digits on their feet to frostbite. I guess you could say I am lactose intolerant."

"Growing up my girlfriend was called the human calculator... but that's just because 14 year old boys would have her do handstands so they could see her boobies."

"I invented a new word It's called plagiarism"

"COP: Damn I left my regular handcuffs at home, all I have is these candy handcuffs. I trust that u won't eat ur way out of these CROOK: Sure"

"I'm surprised God doesn't make Christian Rock Bands sound better."