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Joke of the Day

"What do you a Mars with water? Wars"

"If a chick tells you she's ""not like other girls"" she just proved she's exactly like all other girls."

"Learning karate in case I'm ever attacked by cinder blocks and wood planks."

"""Hey, let's make the inside of this building & every square inch of everyone & everything smell like THIS."" -inventor of incense"

"I bet if I was a hot chick and I left a status that said ""I'm brushing my hair"". It would get about 50 likes."

"What is empty and spins round and round? A Malaysian Airlines baggage claim."

"Why are archaeologists the most polite kind of necrophiliac? They'll date you before they fuck you."

"Hey North Carolina, watcha doin' this weekend? Nothing"

"I get so pissed off when the 'Dawson's Creek' theme song doesn't suddenly play in the background while I'm having a magical moment."

"[to wife on phone] yes spend all our life savings on honey W: but- PLS JUST DO IT *ends phonecall* BEAR [holding gun to my head]: u did good"