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Joke of the Day

"Do you know who has the most home runs in MLB history? Barry Bonds... Do you know who leads the MLB in strikeouts pitched? Nolan Ryan... Do you know who has been hit by the most balls? Liberaci"

"No plastic surgeon will help me! I have really giant hands and I'd like to make them smaller, but every time I ask the doctor for a hand-job I get kicked out."

"Why did parking tickets increase after Persephone was kidnapped? Demeter wasn't working."

"Why was the egg laughing when it fell off the table? Because it cracked itself up."

"I like my coffee like I like my men. Sweet and delicious and makes me feel awesome at first but then I feel like shit and end up sitting on the toilet regretting my life choices."

"Why did the mother feed her newborn lamb? Because it's baby food."

"Chivalry is so not dead. Most guys ask where you want it when they cum."

"I have a sister named Virginia... We called her Virgin for short, but not for long!"

"Yo mama so ugly she made an onion cry."

"I've been cheating on you guys. Lately, I've been spending my time on my job and real life. They don't mean anything to me, I swear."