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Joke of the Day

"I want to get one of those LA hats everyone has nowadays When people go to ask me ""hey man, are you from Los Angeles?"" I'll be like ""nah dude,I just really like the french feminine definite article"""

"Melissa McCarthy has been diagnosed with an aggressive flesh eating virus They've given her only 14 years to live, if untreated."

"Math problems are like women If they're under 18 just do them in your head"

"*Brings axe to slumber party* ""Oops. I thought you said 'lumber party'"" *Knew the whole time* *Waits until they're asleep* *Chops down tree*"

"I just read an article in the newspaper about how 60% of adults still live with their parents. I was like ""OMG Mum did you read this???"""

"The other day I started making a belt by joining all my old watches together... ...but then I realised it would be a waist of time."

"[high seas] FIRST MATE: The men be ready to attack PIRATE: Arr! FIRST MATE: Oh sorry...the men ""are"" ready to attack"

"Life is like a box of chocolates It's full of nuts, expensive, and severely disappointing."

"Your mom's so slutty, she got fired for drinking on the job. She worked at a sperm bank."

"There is 1 type of person in the world 0. Those that program 1. Those that don't 2. NullPointerException"