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Joke of the Day

"Knock knock. *Knock knock!* *Who's there?* *The pilot, let me in!*"

"Did you know semen leaves the body at almost thirty miles per hour? This means it's illegal to ejaculate in a school zone. I don't think the speed was why I was arrested though."

"What's the difference between a tuna, a piano, and a tub of glue? You can tuna piano, but you can't piano tuna."

"That show Scrubs is bullshit. Not one person in this hospital joined in my song and dance number."

"I was glad to see the back of my ex-girlfriend! She always insisted on having sex doggy-style...."

"You ever had garbage in one hand but you accidentally throw out the thing that you want in your other hand? LOL. Anyways, the baby's ok."

"A little boy went up to his father and asked, ""Dad, where did my intelligence come from?"" His father replied, ""well, son, you probably got it from your mom, because I still have mine."""

"On cold mornings, it'd be helpful if a menacing man screamed obscenities at me in German so I'd get out of the shower."

"How did the German dad scold his son for eating too much frozen dessert? QUIT Haagen-Dazs ICE CREAMS!"

"Why did Sarah fall out of the tree? Because she had no arms. Knock-knock! ""Who's there?"" Not Sarah."