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Joke of the Day

"A lot of comedy today is observational humor You guys ever noticed that?"

"I'm not a professional photographer, I'm just a club photographer. I take pictures at the club & people pay me to delete them."

"What's the difference between ""Fake News"" and CNN? I don't know Reddit, that's why I'm asking you?"

"Husband: are you cooking something? Me: of course not Husband: the oven timer just went off Me: oh yeah, take the wine out of the freezer"

"The problem with feminists... The problem with feminists is that they don't stop talking and I just want to fuck them."

"HEROIC ACT - I stick my head under dressing room doors to tell people they look nice in whatever they are trying on."

"I Tweet and drive because the tragedy of me forgetting a Tweet is far greater than me being injuried"

"Donald Trump on Twitter: ""The Theater has always been a safe place"" Abraham Lincoln: ""Dude"""

"I wanted to put an England flag in my garden... I wanted to put an England flag in my garden but wasn't sure if it would offend muslim extremists. So I wrote 'Allah is a twat' on it just to make sure."

"I can just about tolerate pens... ...but I have to say I draw a line with pencils."