188934

Joke of the Day

"Whoever said you can't teach an old dog new tricks was so wrong. I taught mine how to play dead and she's been doing it for a year straight."

"Did you know that Erwin Schrodinger's funeral was closed casket? He was buried (|Dead> + |Alive>) / sqrt(2)"

"Sorry for letting the air out of one of your tires, delivery guy, but based on the way you cut my pizza, I assumed you liked things uneven."

"Catfished I met someone online and traveled to their house to hook-up. Knock on the door and a cute blonde opens. I'm pretty pissed, they looked nothing like the 10 year old boy I spoke to."

"Life Before sex, you help each other get naked. After sex, you dress only yourself. Moral: In life, no one helps you once you're fucked!"

"How are 6 women like a golf course? NSFW 18 holes"

"What do a walrus and Tupperware have in common? Both looking for a tight seal."

"Why is the Ocean blue? Because the fish go blublublu."

"I'm not saying I don't like you, but if you had an open wound I'd hand you a salt shaker."

"I've only been in jail for 5 minutes and I've already been raped twice. My uncle doesn't fuck around when playing Monopoly."