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Joke of the Day

"What is the horror movie Quija rated? Quija-13"

"Q: Who has eight pistols and terrorizes the seas? A: Billy the Squid."

"What is the worst thing about people who don't finish anything?"

"I learned two things in prison. Don't sweat the petty, and don't pet the sweaty!"

"What's the difference... What's the difference between a chef and a perverted aquarium owner? One fixes dishes and the other dicks his fishes."

"There were elections in the United States. Tom Hanks went to cast his vote. As soon as he came out of the polling booth after doing so, everyone started applauding. Why? It was a vote of T. Hanks."

"Haven't heard from my boyfriend in 3 days. Trying to start a prayer chain. He blocked me after I set up a wedding website so please RT."

"Tomorrow I am going to dig up and open the time capsule I buried when I was a kid. Cannot wait to see how big my puppy has gotten!"

"Why are black cats such good singers? They're very mewsical."

"What is the definition of ""derange""? De place where de cowboys ride!"