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Joke of the Day

"Did you know you can use voice-to-text on Twitter so this tweet came from my mouth and also stop staring at me people on this bus."

"Have you ever ordered a honeymoon salad? Lettuce Alone."

"To find out your cat name, pick any name at random and refuse to answer to it."

"I've feeding my kid Green Beans for St Patties Day so I can have green vomit on me without having to drink 26 green beers."

"Read more Ant jokes"

"How do you make an Ethiopian grow? Just add water."

"In a hotel room. The dog's growling and whimpering. My wife's worried the neighbours will think we're having sex."

"How do you win a late night argument with your deaf wife? You turn off the lights."

"A good way to break up with a girl is to leave her a trail of rose petals starting from her front door to North Korea."

"The tampon aisle is a terrible place to pick up chicks."