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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 70? Your honor."

"A spider so big you politely ask it to leave the premises & then sheepishly accept its refusal with all the dignity of a French surrender."

"I met the donkey from Numbers 22... He was a pretty cool guy... What? Did you expect him to be an ass?"

"And in her smile I see something more beautiful than the stars."

"When a movie says ""Based on a true story."" it means this is sort of what happened but with way uglier people."

"What's black and sits at the top of the stairs? Steven Hawking after a housefire"

"What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants? One's a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean."

"What did the man say when he walked into a bar? ""Ouch!"""

"Why do you really not want to get pulled over in Ireland? Because the cops are Dublin the fines! (It took me a three hour car ride to come up with this... I am not a clever person)"

"I do have a swimmers body, he's been in my trunk for days"