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Joke of the Day

"3 men in a boat with 4 cigarettes but no way to light them. What do they do? Throw one cigarette away and the boat becomes one cigarette lighter."

"Velcro sanitary towels... They're a bloody rip off"

"Ben-Hur was actually called, Fast & The Furious: Jerusalem Drift, but the name didn't catch on like they had hoped"

"Beef Jokes What's a cow no legs? Ground Beef What's a cow with two left legs? Lean Beef What's a cow with two hind legs? Sarah Palin"

"Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? Nobody, the pH level of a pineapple can not sustain life."

"Why is there no aspirin in the jungle? Because the parrots-eat-'em-all"

"I now have an EpiPen. My friend gave it to me as he was dying. It seemed very important to him that I have it."

"My sense of humor is kind of like third world countries at night... dark."

"""Sir, we're mining too many useless minerals!"" Hitler: ""Mine fewer then"" Reddit: ""I did **not see** that coming"" EDIT: Shit, I didn't get that Reich at all"

"I lie in the bath for hours. But I try to tell the truth the rest of the time."