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Joke of the Day

"I can't believe the pharmacy hasn't called! ""Oh they did..3 or 4 days ago..I forgot to tell you. What's it's for anyway?"" Anxiety."

"Q: Why can't blondes make ice cubes? A: They always forget the recipe."

"I bought my dog a toy cell phone, now it takes him 45 minutes to shit."

"Lets not kid ourselves, if the zombie apocalypse broke out, there are a couple people we would swear were zombies so we could shoot them"

"""I'm sorry. I haven't had sex for a very long time."" -- and other things I say during the meeting to excuse my bad behavior."

"Who are the fastest readers in the world? The people in the world trade center, these mother fuckers blew threw a hundred stories in two seconds!"

"trump Donald trump-worlds biggist douche"

"My new year's resolution is to be more grammary and stop making up words."

"wife calls and says ""i think the carburetor is flooded"" experienced husband starts from the top. ""honey, where is the car?"" ""at the bottom of the pool"""

"A bit computer geeky I feel bad for kids being born these days their grandkids will never know what an IPv4 address is."