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Joke of the Day

"Accidentally got melted butter on some fried chicken and this is my delicious origin story."

"Last night I had an Ant on me... Okay, I guess she was more of a Cougar."

"My wax museum is going to start small by focusing on famous people who look like candles."

"I hate colored pencils. I'd rather dye than use them."

"I AM THE MAN OF THIS HOUSE AND WHAT I SAY GOES in one ear and out the other."

"What do you call a snail in the Navy? A Snailor"

"Since it's the thought that counts I'll just keep on thinking about doing exercise."

"My 5y/o just threw a 15 min fit because she doesn't want me to get old. I had to tell her if she took a bath it would help me stay young"

"Guess what New york is going as for Halloween? New Orleans!"

"I like my women like I like my Nintendo........ 64"