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Joke of the Day

"If 80s movies taught me anything, it's that anyone with a sweater tied around their shoulders is a villain"

"Man walks in on his son A man walks in on his son masturbating, and gets really mad ""Hey, save that for when you are older!"" By the time the kid was 18, he had three jars full."

"If your Dad leaves, just act like you're installing a new screen door. All the Dads of the neighborhood will gather round. Pick your new Dad"

"Chipotle is releasing a new ""Ravens"" burrito. It comes with everything but rice."

"When an old lady dies and then her husband dies a couple of weeks later, it isn't because his heart is broken. It's because he can't cook."

"How do you reuse a condom? Turn it inside out and shake the shit out of it!"

"I think my girlfriend would make a good plumber She keeps bringing up old shit from weeks ago."

"""It's raining men. Hallelujah."" -The lesser known 11th plague that God sent to the Egyptians"

"I like girls how I like my clothes. Whitewashed. Clean and fresh. Hung. Edit: Ninja edit"

"How does Kanye West screw in a lightbulb? He holds the lightbulb and the world revolves around him."