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Joke of the Day

"JESUS: [walks on water] JUDAS: Actually, the body is 60% water so it's only 40% miracle JESUS: You're killing me, Judas JUDAS: Actually.."

"ISIS should hire me... I have a lot of experience when it comes to bombing, especially on final exams."

"""This credit crunch is worse than a divorce. I've lost half my net worth and I still have a wife."""

"When I run the media, ""blue"" and ""red"" states will be renamed ""Crate & Barrel"" and ""Cracker Barrel"" states."

"Why should you never trust advice from a group of gryphons? Half of them are lyin'."

"What do you call the hair between grandma's breasts? Her pussy."

"Why did the snowman take his pants off? Because he heard the snow blower coming."

"Why are math books useless? Because they are full of problems."

"This week in Nascar it all comes down to one race... The Caucasians."

"Saw a black guy walking the streets carrying a tv.. ...and I thought ""is that one mine""? Then I remembered it couldn't be mine because mine was mowing the lawn at the moment."