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Joke of the Day

"Q: Why did the comedian do time? A: Is it cause his jokes killed? (Nope, one in ten dead)"

"As a woman it's annoying when men think they are better drivers When I'm trying to park I don't need you to offer help every 20 minutes"

"Why did the can crusher quit his job? Because it was soda-pressing"

"How Long is a Chinaman"

"Every night I keep a pillow under my gun in case a murderer threatens me to a pillow fight."

"Why didn't the magician shave? He made it disabeard.."

"Remember those girls in college who neatly highlighted all of their text books in pink? They work at the cosmetic counter at Macy's now."

"My greatest accomplishment as a father? Teaching my son to scream, ""I WANT MOMMY,"" whenever my wife sends me into his room."

"I am a master ninja with my ability to hide silently when someone rings my doorbell."

"What do you call a slutty egg? Over easy!"