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Joke of the Day

"I wait tables with an obnoxious ex-mechanical engineer... ...he's always going on and on about the restaurant's utensil modulus."

"Bartender says, ""We don't serve time travelers."" A time traveler walks into a bar..."

"My car and I have one thing in common... ...we're both broke as hell."

"PUN MEGATHREAD Post your punniest, worst, most awful puns here"

"I'd probably be, like, 5% cooler if I wasn't terrified of being on a moving skateboard."

"What do you call an overweight hobbit's belly? His Middle Girth"

"What are Holocaust Deniers celebrating timorrow? The Fourth of Jew Lie!!!!"

"Why did the guy give up connecting his controller to his Xbox? He was syncing too much time into it."

"What does a white trash girl say after sex? Get off me, Dad. You're squishing my smokes."

"Daniel Day-Lewis is so method that in preparation for the role of Abraham Lincoln in 'Lincoln' he spent ten months on the side of a penny."