18629

Joke of the Day

"My penis was fired today... so if anyone has any openings I can fill, let me know."

"Why was everyone saying such kind, loving words to the man? The man was a corpse being buried forever."

"What do a pizza delivery boy and a gynecologist have in common? Always have to smell it, never get to eat it."

"me as a realtor: This house does include a crawl space. It's probably full of bones already, but you can always add more bones yourself."

"If Kung Fu Panda taught me anything, it's that obese people can be accepted...so long as they know kung fu."

"How did Jesus stay in shape? Crossfit"

"You have orgasms all the time. Even if you don't have sex, I know you masturbate. You're a liar if you say you don't. Sexy"

"Umm, when someone posts that they're having a bad day, I don't think it's proper Facebook etiquette to ""like"" their status."

"""We can't put it off any longer Alan, our daughter needs new shoes"" CENTIPEDE DAD: [staring out the window] This is gonna bankrupt us Susan"

"Did you hear about the undertaker who buried someone in the wrong place and was sacked for the grave mistake?"