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Joke of the Day

"How is a speech impediment like a box of chocolates? It doesn't really matter, as long as it has good cocoa content."

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"Basically, our plans for the satanic ritual fell through, because we couldn't agree on whose turn it was to get the goat."
"Q: When is a strange dog most likely to go into your house? - A: When the door is open."
"[Dentist's] Me: *lying back with mouth full of cotton wool* Dentist: So what do you do? Equipment trolley 3ft away: I'm a ventriloquist"
"A Republican, a Democrat, and a Socialist live in the same building. One day there is a fire, but only the Socialist dies. Why? everyone else was at work."
"Two Irishmen walk out of a bar... ...well it could happen."
"My wife is an archaeologist I met her at a dig site, we carbon dated for a while and the rest is history."
"Sometimes giving someone a second chance is like giving them an extra bullet for their gun because they missed the first time."
"What's the difference between a canoe and a jew? A jew don't tip"
"What happens if you try to sit on Death's couch? There will be grim reaper cushions"