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Joke of the Day

"What can you never eat for breakfast? Dinner."

"what did the cannibal get when he showed up late to a dinner party A cold shoulder"

"As a German, you know what really grinds my gears? Nothing. My engineering is perfect."

"[outpost in the Arctic Circle] ""I'm quitting, here's my 2 week notice"" BOSS: The days last 6 months here ""Sonofa..."""

"I was disappointed to find out my countertops were linoleum. I guess i took them for granite"

"I like to ask girls if they wanna take a shower with me then hand them a ski mask and drive to Lowe's."

"My paper aeroplane won't fly. It's completely stationery."

"BBC's Sherlock got cancelled Shit, no Sherlock."

"I once dated a model, but I always preferred the earlier versions. This particular one was not very user-friendly, she was high-maintenance and my friends would always borrow her for personal use."

"I've yet to find a romantic comedy that speaks to me. Maybe if they set it in an institution or an Arby's restroom."