186038

Joke of the Day

"Why don't the Beastie Boys juggle vegetables anymore? Because they kept making the beets... MMMMMM DROPPPPP"

"So a leper goes to a prostitute... She begins to perform fellatio on him. After he finishes, he says to the girl ""Go ahead and keep the tip""."

"I was talking to a Hiroshima survivor about his near death experience... He told me he saw the light"

"Mother: My goodness, Jerry, who gave you that black eye? Jerry: No one gave it to me. I had to fight for it!"

"What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Beer nuts are a buck ninety-nine, but deer nuts are always under a buck."

"""Daddy, tell me again about how you wasted time before Twitter existed?"" ""Well son, we used to look at clouds & pretend they were animals."""

"What's the difference between Arabs and Americans? American kids come home from boyscouts"

"""This does not bode well."" - a guy at the returns desk, explaining why he's returning a boder."

"what do you call a black priest? HOLY SHIT!"

"When I'm bored, I like to hold wedding ceremonies for my kitchen utensils. ""I now pronounce you pan and knife."""