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Joke of the Day

"Maybe Gotye was an actual goat that sold it's soul for the chance to be a human with a hit song and now he is back to just being a goat"

"How many friend-zoned guys does it take to screw in a light bulb? None. They just sit around and compliment it and get pissed when it won't screw."

"Statistics is like a bikini on a beautiful woman... ... what it reveals is exciting; what it hides is vital."

"Do you think the guy responsible for squirting water in NFL players' mouths has ""rehydration specialist"" listed on his LinkedIn profile?"

"[spelling bee] JUDGE: Your word is ""incorrect"" KID: I haven't spelled it yet JUDGE: No, that's your word KID: T-H-A-T-'-S JUDGE: No- KID: N-"

"*learns all Froot Loops are the same flavor regardless of color* *sighs* *sadly deletes 583 page PhD thesis*"

"I challenge you to a battle of wits at high noon! Do you accept? Yes you say?! Well consider yourself mentally challenged."

"I hurt my shoulder and doctor told me i shouldn't lift anything heavy. So i'm forced to sit down when i pee."

"New day, same old bullshit."

"I just got laid. But don't worry, I was totally thinking about you guys the whole time."