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Joke of the Day

"So no one else is even mildly concerned that a bee is nutting hunny on our cheerios?"

"The mailman gave me a letter from a child this morning. The grammar was bad. But the delivery was good."

"Wife: I'm hungry! Me: I'll order pizza Wife: YOU THINK I'M FAT! Me: *whispering* Has it been 28 days already? Wife: WHAT?! Me: what what??"

"If a child molester and an illegal immigrant get in a fight... Is it Alien vs. Predator?"

"Enough is enough It's the exact same word"

"Batman opened a restaurant... But he's serving just desserts."

"Never tell a psycho that they're psycho, because then they feel like they're obligated to prove it."

"What qualifies as a ""short stack"" of pancakes? I mean, 2.5 feet is relatively short, right? Yes? Okay cool. Then I just ate a short stack."

"Did you hear about that guy going around stealing everybody's Flamin' Hot Cheetos? He was caught red-handed! ...I'll see myself to the door."

"At this late date, the only way I'm gonna be famous is if I save a baby from a fire. And the baby is filming the whole thing with his phone."